by Jenny Hansen
The U.S. Patent and Trade Offices banned a Norwegian brand of undies, called (wait for it) “ComfyBalls.” As far as I can tell, they’re traditional boxers with “just a little bit more” here and there. I really don’t see what all the fuss is about.
Here’s what I know: these ComfyBalls blokes are freaking marketing geniuses. They’re not quite up there with the PooPourri team, but they’re just a hair behind. Check out this video they made with the 2014 Curling World Championship team.
Wearing ComfyBalls, put your pants on with NO hands…on ice.
[Talented bunch of Curlers, aren't they?]
ComfyBalls describes their trademarked PackageFront™ system as follows:
“Package Front™ is designed to keep your equipment in place, while being lifted away from the inside of your thighs, preventing unnecessary heating of the balls. Extremely curved panels combined with innovative use of elastic fabric seams lift the user experience to a new level!
The size of the PackageFront ™ is the same regardless of the size of the boxer trunk. There is no (statistically significant) relationship between a person’s penis size and height / weight / other body parts. There is a weak correlation between testicular volume and weight / height / BMI. Because the volume range is limited, and because the PackageFront ™ is made of an extremely elastic material, you can be assured that the PackageFront™ will fit you.”
Besides their ad copy, their cute technology icons won my admiration. “BSA.” Heh.
I snipped this graphic from their site.
Y’all know you want to visit their site to see what’s up with that ComfyBalls Fit Program. Plus they have a “Power Users” section.
Young Turks did a bit on ComfyBalls where they called out the U.S. patent and trademark office as “Ball Torturers.” They decided in their show, The Undies So Controversial The Government Banned Them, that the company can call the mundies “Nifty Nads” so they’re allowed onto U.S. soil.
Considering what I see and hear on television, I’m shocked at this Undie Discrimination!
What happened to separation of…
- Church & State
- Cash & Prizes
- Twigs & Berries
- Testes & Thighs
And how is it that Duluth Trading Company is getting by with Ballroom Jeans (and no, those ain’t for dancing the Foxtrot) or Buck Naked Underwear? What about their Crack Spackle packaging for their Longtail Shirts “to cure plumber’s crack?”
Why isn’t the Patent Office twisting their panties up about those?
Gawker.com said it the best in their article, The U.S. Government Wants to Keep You From Wearing “Comfyballs” Boxers:
“The regrettably named Norwegian underwear brand Comfyballs was all set to make its big debut in the U.S. this year when it was shut down by the country’s patent and trademark office. A trademark on Comfyballs, USPTO argued, was just too vulgar for Americans to accept.
The Independent reports on the tribulations of the company, which was already comforting balls across Australia, New Zealand, Scandinavia, and the U.K. when its trademark application was denied…”
This company deserves to have their undies be legal here in the States. Don’t y’all agree? UP with ComfyBalls! DOWN with discrimination!! I’m just sayin…
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About Jenny Hansen
By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 18 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.
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