TRUST THE TWINKLE
When you first start dating, how do you know if the other person is being real? Honest? Can you believe what you’re told? Judge by the person’s actions?
If you’re new to dating, you might. If you’ve been dating a while, you won’t. You’ll know that people often do not say what they think or what they really mean. They often put on their party manners and so you can’t really gauge the kind of person they are by their actions, either.
So what are you to do?
No one wants a broken heart. Or to be led down the path to another bad relationship. We want to date smart, so that our head and heart agree. When they don’t, we endure all kinds of problems we don’t want or need that complicate our lives.
I don’t have all the answers. No one does, and if they say they do, run. Fast and far. But I can share with you my experience, and I do so with the hope that it works out as well for you as it has for me.
For good reason, I didn’t do blind dates. No one else, regardless of how well intentioned, can know your mind and heart as well as you do. So my rule of thumb was to make my own decisions on who to date, and I was admittedly picky. My time is my life. I guard how I spend it–and odds are if you’ve been on a bad blind date, you’re picky, too.
That said, I got guilted into a blind date by my mother. She had a friend who had a cousin and they thought they should team us up. I said no. My mother insisted. This woman as her friend and she didn’t want to upset her. Frankly, my mother was a woman I admired deeply, and I didn’t want to upset her. So I agreed to the date–but only this once, and if I didn’t feel comfortable, I was out of there.
The man walked in. A big Texan with a ready smile. When he first looked at me there was this amazing twinkle in his eye. I knew his interest was genuine, and that twinkle was honest. I watched him, and when he looked at other women, that twinkle wasn’t there. It was mine, and it shone in his eyes every time he looked at me. It’s now near four decades later, and it still does.
I had the good sense to marry him.
So my advice is to listen and hear what your date has to say. Talk about everything and nothing. Note whether or not you enjoy just being together, regardless of what you’re doing. Pay attention to how he treats others–family, friends, strangers–and his opinions on things that most matter to you.
All of that is important in lasting relationships.
But remember that people shield and look away and avoid eye contact when they don’t want someone to see what’s deep inside them. Remember there’s a reason eyes are called the windows to the soul.
The truth resides in the eyes. And that’s why, when you want to know the truth about s/he really feels about you, you can trust the twinkle.
© 2014, Vicki Hinze. Hinze is the award-winning, USA Today bestselling author of nearly thirty novels in a variety of genres including, suspense, mystery, thriller, and romantic or faith-affirming thrillers. Her latest release is The Marked Bride, Shadow Watchers, Book 1. She holds a MFA in Creative Writing and a Ph.D. in Philosophy, Theocentric Business and Ethics. Hinze’s online community: Facebook. Books. Twitter. Contact. www.vickihinze.com.
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