by Jenny Hansen

I’m not sure how many of you have heard the bruhaha over Michael Douglas’ interview with the Guardian about his throat cancer two years ago.

When the Guardian interviewer expressed that his throat cancer was likely caused by years of drinking and smoking, he corrected them and said this type of cancer is most often caused by cunnilingus (that’s oral sex for the non-Latin set).

The media is going nuts because it’s really hard to pass up the kinds of headlines this news can generate.

So, I’m torn.

On the one hand…

This is the kind of health information that needs to be shared widely.

The Human Pappilomavirus (commonly known as HPV) has been found to be associated with several types of cancer, including the one that Michael Douglas experienced.

How many types and cases of cancer? (data from the CDC)

• Cervical, vulvar, vaginal, penile, anal, and oropharyngeal (back of the throat, including the base of the tongue and tonsils).
• Each year, more than 21,000 HPV-associated cancers occur in women; cervical cancer is the most common.
• More than 12,000 HPV-associated cancers occur each year in men; oropharyngeal cancers are the most common.

Items like the dental dam were invented for a reason. (Proper use of the dental dam shown here.) If people are confused or embarrased about buying dental dams, they can substitute Saran Wrap in a pinch. (Really.)

On the other hand…

Douglas releases his new Liberace movie TODAY (with Matt Damon…*swoon*). This is some killer free publicity for him. The timing of this bruhaha is just a teensy bit suspect.

And it’s really hard to resist all these stellar tweets flying around on the subject. I laughed my guts out over them the other day.

My fave Michael Douglas tweets so far?

I would’ve been more than satisfied thinking Michael Douglas got his throat cancer from smoking. Like forever. — Brie Spangler

I’m worried that these Michael Douglas revelations mean they’re going to ban cunnilingus in pubs — Frankie Boyle

Twitter no longer goes down. It goes ‘Michael Douglas.’
— Rachel Thompson

Just wait until you find out how Michael Douglas sprained his wrist. — Michael Moran

Thanks, Michael Douglas, for ruining the ONLY time I’m not worrying about cancer. — Alex Baze

And my favorite news headline: Michael Douglas Vows to Lick ‘The Big C’ in Five Months. (The obvious response being: “You need to hurry it up a little, dude.”)

So, I’ve arrived at the following conclusions:

• Although cancer is decidedly un-funny, the people on Twitter are hilarious.
• ‘Go Michael Douglas’ for being willing to publicly embarrass the crap out of yourself and your wife to get the word out about safe sex.

I have just one important question for Mr. Douglas:
How do you know it was all that cunnilingus that caused the problem, rather than your years of excessive smoking and drinking?? (We need your sources, Michael…there’s entire sex lives at stake here.)

Have you been following this news story? Are you excited about Behind the Candelabra, which releases today? If you see it, please be sure to tweet us your thoughts about it at the #SocialIn hashtag.

~ Jenny

 

About Jenny Hansen

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 15 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at or at Writers In The Storm. Jenny also writes the Risky Baby Business posts at More Cowbell, a series that focuses on babies, new parents and high-risk pregnancy.

© 2013 Jenny Hansen. All content on this page is protected by copyright. If you would like to use any part of this, please contact me at the above links to request permission.