10 Computer Phrases that Sound Naughty But Aren’t
by Jenny Hansen
During my “day job” I work with a lot of guys. I’m a technical trainer and the computer field is pretty male-dominated so, like anything male-dominated, the terms sound naughty. Can any of you football fans say “penetration” or “tight end?” I’m just sayin…
Since I know filthy minds go with geekery, I just HAD to marry one of these guys so we could be speaking the same language at the dinner table.
A conversation at one of our dinner parties went something like this:
I said, “Hey, I’m doing a post tomorrow on ’10 Computer phrases that sound naughty but aren’t’ and I need your help.” Below are the ones that made the cut (along with definitions for a few) for today’s post. Enjoy!
10. Hubby: I’ve always liked “User Interface,” if you know what I mean…
9. Is your data dirty or clean?
Note: “Dirty data” is geek-speak for inaccurate information or data that was collected wrong. Dirty data has no integrity. (You are entering a new and strange land, my friends…)
8. How big is your pipe?
“Pipe” makes me giggle every time it’s used in a sentence. It’s an excellent thing I never dated a plumber.
Pipe is often used interchangeably with the word “wire” in geek-speak. Pipe is related to bandwidth and bandwidth is all about how fast you can download that cute dog picture you saw on Facebook last night. So your little cable modem is a smaller pipe than the T1 line that goes into your office.
7. What you see is what you get.
WYSIWYG (pronounced whiz-ee-wig) is another term that makes me laugh my ass off. Mostly because it’s got the “whiz” sound going for it.
Everyone started losing steam this point in the list and I poked my hubby in the ribs and said, “You need to whip it out of your memory bank, dude. Drink more wine!”
Not only did they drink more wine, we started cruising the web so the guys could jog their memory. The web search jogged them sufficiently that we finished the list, plus we discovered the great video at the bottom of this post.
6. Is your fiber long-distance?
Before your brain plops in the gutter like mine did, “fiber” refers to fiber-optic cable. If you really want to know what it is, click here.
5. Can we do a hot-swap?
“Hot-swap” has definite code word potential. A hot swap is actually the replacement of a hard drive, CD-ROM drive, power supply, or other device with a similar device while the computer system using it remains in operation.
4. Do you have a preference for groupware?
Nope, we’re not talking threesomes. “Groupware” is a type of software (like Outlook or Lotus Notes) that allows people to work together more efficiently on projects. Sounds like a spoonful of sin, doesn’t it?
3. Can I use your joystick?
I can never say this word with a straight face, but if you’ve got kids who play computer games, you must. Still, I have to bite the inside of my cheek every time someone says, “I have an extra joystick you can use.”
2. I need more RAM.
RAM is computer memory and, especially if you play games, you always need more of it. (Do you SEE how naughty that sounds?!)
. . . .and the #1 winner on the “naughty” list is:
1. Do any of you guys have a stiffy?
One of our British friends, who works on computers all over the world, heard this choice phrase during a project in South Africa wa-a-a-ay back in the day. They were referring to the hard covered 3 1/2 inch diskettes, rather than the 5 1/4 inch “floppies.” (The history of the floppy is here.)
And if all of this computer stuff is making your head spin, enjoy yourself with this BBC video, titled “My Blackberry Is Not Working.”
[youtube=http://youtu.be/kAG39jKi0lI]
Wishing you and your computer plenty of entertaining moments this week…
Jenny
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About Jenny Hansen
By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 15 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.
When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at or at Writers In The Storm. Jenny also writes the Risky Baby Business posts at More Cowbell, a series that focuses on babies, new parents and high-risk pregnancy.
© 2012 Jenny Hansen. All content on this page is protected by copyright. If you would like to use any part of this, please contact me at the above links to request permission.
