BY KRISTEN LAMB

Dating has never been easy, and now with our go-go-go lifestyles, finding love can feel like one more chore on an already overburdened To-Do List. Oddly enough, this is one of the best reasons why on-line dating can be a true life-saver. We have a lot on our plates and don’t have time for time-wasters, jerks, users or predators. The holidays are coming and many of you might want to spend them with someone fun, and I say GO FOR IT! I met my husband December 8th and he was the best Christmas present EVER, and still is…five years later.

Today, we’ll discuss a major pitfall to finding love on-line. Predators. I want for your on-line dating experience to have a happy ending like mine, so I’m here to help you spot cheaters and players before they can sink their claws in and do damage. Save time by spotting LUZRs from a mile away.

Chronic Cheaters and Pathological Players Abound On-Line

There are people who are chronic cheaters or pathological players, and the Internet is a perfect place to “hunt.” These creeps don’t even care about the person they’re currently sleeping with, dating or MARRIED to, so why would they care about you?

They won’t.

Filters are Filters Not Lie Detectors

Just because a cute gal claims she’s single, doesn’t mean she is. Just because a guy says he’s “looking to settle down,” doesn’t mean he isn’t using that line to gut-hook the foolish.

In fact, chronic cheaters often will purposely search for those who want to settle down. Why? Because people who are eager to put down roots are more likely to overlook when things don’t add up.

The red flags below are typical behaviors for chronic cheaters and pathological players who have no intention of sticking around after they get what they want (namely, sex, gifts or money). Granted, none of this is set in stone, but if you spot more than one of these red flags, BE CAREFUL.

Red Flag #1—Beware of the “Separated”

First of all, this isn’t “technically” single and it can be a tar baby of drama at best or an outright-lie-nightmare at the worst. Some gal might claim she’s separated; it’s just that her husband hasn’t yet been made aware of this new development. Steer clear. There are real single people out there who are a better use of time.

Red Flag #2—Beware of Profiles with ONE Picture

I can already hear the shouting, but believe me, people who are “too shy” to put out more than one picture are likely full of baloney. Either it a) isn’t him b) was taken ten years ago and looks NOTHING him anymore, or (the more likely) c) one picture means fewer opportunities to be recognized by people who know he’s married and can rat him out to his wife d) means she’s a player who will be back on-line with a different profile in a week when the guy she’s currently seeing runs out of cash.

Red Flag #3—Beware of Photos that Don’t Show the Eyes

They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul for good reason. Eyes are also the part of the face most easily recognized by others, regardless of aging, hair color or weight changes. Cheaters want to fly below radar, so often their ONE image will be them wearing bad-boy sunglasses or starlet shades. Don’t fall for it.

Red Flag #4—Beware of “Commuters”

Yes, geography matters. In my last post, I talked about how I refused to date anyone outside of a 20-mile radius. This was for more than convenience. Dating close to home will weed out a lot of cheaters. Why? They don’t want to chance being spotted on a date by people who would recognize them. This goes for pathological players, too. This guy doesn’t want an ugly catfight on his home turf when he’s spotted with his next victim date.

So when you get a message from that gorgeous guy who lives 400 miles away, but he’s looking to move to your city and wants to meet someone to date? Caveat emptor.

Red Flag #5—Beware of Funky, Difficult to Remember User Names

Want to talk to DFWGolfer? BellyDancer78? SailorNYC? MissFlirtyOne? Go ahead. But MR54TV67RV? Is that a user name or the serial number of a Saab bumper? HeLL0_gal_67$exy99Funny. Yeah, not sexy OR funny. Twenty bucks, she’s up to no good.

Frequently people who want to hide their activities will use difficult-to-remember, thus difficult-to-search names. This is probably because the person they are currently dating/married to is suspicious (for good reason). A lot of these predators like to keep hunting on the same sites, so they will change the username and keep it difficult to search to avoid detection.

Red Flag #6—Beware the Weekday Dater

Meet someone on-line and they seem perfect? The chemistry is there. You met for a Tuesday cup of coffee and the fireworks crackled? But there’s a hitch. He can’t see you on weekends because he a) has to work b) has to study for some stressful professional exam c) takes care of Great Aunt Ola.

Garbage.

If this guy is only available for weekday dating, good chance he’s hiding something…like a girlfriend or wife. Run!

Red Flag #7—Beware the Terminal Texter

Phone calls matter. Phone calls during the evening and on weekends are crucial. Find the “perfect” woman, but she never wants to talk, only text? And if she does ever talk on the phone, she can’t talk in the evenings or on weekends because she’s just so busy? Or her cell reception is THAT BAD? Uh-huh. After 4:00 p.m. also happens to be when her husband is home from work. Be smart and get outta there.

Remember, players and cheaters are juggling a current relationship and the next victim (possibly YOU). Current relationships usually get the premium relationship real estate—evenings and weekends. When a person can’t give you those, something’s not right. Cut bait and flee.

Life is short, so stay clear of these time-wasters. Ignore these flags at your own risk, and remember; another day wasted on deadbeat users is another day lost with your perfect mate. Your heart is special, handle it with care.

Above Image via Flickr Creative Commons, donated by Anonymous.

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Kristen is the author of the new best-selling book,  in addition to the #1 best-selling books We Are Not Alone—The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer. She’s a contributing humor blogger for SocialIn, a blog that reaches 2.5 million and blogs for The Huffington Post. You can also follow her author blog here. She is also the Social Media Columnist for Author Magazine. Feel free to follow her on Twitter at and on 

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