Susan was upset the floral-print blouse she ordered didn’t compliment the monkey as well as she’d hoped.

Morning Readers,

It’s only 10am, and I’m already out of coffee. Which only goes to show that letting your spouse have a cup on his way out the door is a terrible idea. This isn’t some sort of half-way house. What am I doing handing out coffee like I didn’t want to drink all eight cups?

Get it together, Paige.

However, we gather here today to talk about shopping online, that dangerous yet exhilarating pastime akin to rolling the dice or asking Helen Keller to trim your bangs. Perhaps you don’t enjoy it as much as I do, but, due to my current station in life, getting out to actual stores usually presents a problem.

What was that? No, I’m only doing one Hellen Keller joke today.

Let’s not get sidetracked. As much as I adore jumping on Amazon and clicking on the next thing to be thrown at my doorstep, I tend not to have the best luck with clothing, or rather, sizing.

Do I ever read the sizing charts?

No!

Do I distinguish between European and American sizing?

Sometimes!

Is there a chance I see my body one way, and order things to fit this mirage?

Always!

I mention my finely-honed shopping skills only to showcase that I actually had a success this weekend. That’s right. After employing twine and a measuring tape from Husband’s tool box, my dimensions were carefully calculated and ordered accordingly.  Hips, waist, length from joist to crossbeam, all accounted for.

So, when this little gem arrived, I didn’t have to plier and crowbar it over my form.

By the way, this post is not sponsored by these dress people. I’m just really excited I finally made a purchase I don’t have to send back, turn into hamster bedding, or cut in half and make different yet complimentary potholders out of. And the reviews are in…

“It looks nice.” – Husband

So there you have it. If you take measurements, there’s a good chance you’ll end up with something that’s not just a monetary donation to one particular business or another.

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Paige Kellerman blogs about marriage, babies and gin at www.paigekellerman.com, and is the author of At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles (June 2013). You can reach her at .

She also hides out on and .